Subletting

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Subletting is lifestyle tourism. This week I’m staying in a Williamsburg apartment that wafts oestrogen and litter box. The lavender sheets are made from wood pulp. Shiva, Parvati and their whole gang greet me everywhere I turn, and there’s a small altar in the fireplace. Books on Indian spiritualism are stacked in the bedroom, there are affirmations on the fridge, mirrors everywhere, and angsty girl music in the stereo. I’m living in Lilithville.

The cats are friendly. One is grossly obese; possibly a neutering problem. The other is an athlete who launches herself off the wardrobe and onto the bed. Affection is in short supply now that Mommy is away, but they seem mostly concerned with food. I cannot get used to the idea that breathing, non-human creatures move around in here. After living in the woods surrounded by real animals, this seems as exotic and absurd as moose in my bedroom. This pair are Furbies with more features, and I pity them as undignified dependents, incapable of catching their supper or breeding a litter. Cat-owners have coy theories that the felines are in charge, but the opposable thumb that works the tin-opener is the real boss.

Tomorrow I move to a cave on Atlantic Avenue for three months. I sublet it from Björn, a delightful Norwegian programmer. He has a server rack in his living room, geek toys everywhere, flat panel tvs, a raw-food juicer that excites him greatly, and Buddhist slogans on his whiteboard. There is very little furniture. It is so dark that the radio will tell me what to wear every day, and I dread it. SAD will turn me into a snivelling axe-murderer by July. But it’s cheap.

5 comments to “Subletting”

  1. Comment by Robert:

    Ah, the joys of sublets.. When I was working on a contract in Halifax NS a few years ago there was a shortage of furnished apartments for rent. One place, advertised as an ‘executive rental’, turned out to belong to an elderly woman who was away in Florida for the winter. Every room in the apartment was painted pink except for the kitchen, it was lavender.

  2. Comment by Bert:

    A Norwegian’s dark Cave? All I can imagine is a Troll. The scandinavian version not the Tolkien one of LOTR. Perhaps “Princess” Dervala has been abducted!!!! SAD may turn you into a troll but remember that trollkonor are quite cunning and beautiful.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll

    Of course the Troll might be under the Brooklyn Bridge (just down the street?) Maybe something like this?:

    http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/WASEAtroll.html

  3. Comment by Ranger Tim:

    Princess Dervala, hmm.

    Bert, any day now I should have conclusions from the pea-and-mattress testing.

  4. Comment by ARJ:

    As I uni student I used to live in basements in eternally drizzly Western Washington.

    Let’s just say I’m much more pleased with sunny Sydney. I don’t envy you the cave.

  5. Comment by ARJ:

    P.S. I’ve been to the Freemont Troll. It’s cool! But he seems a bit low-key to be stealing princesses. Either that, or I’m just not princess material, which is a distinct possibility.