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The way to begin is always the same. Hello,
Hello. Your hand, your name. So glad, Just fine,
and Good-bye at the end. That’s every story we know,

and why pretend? But lunch tomorrow? No?
Yes? An omelette, salad, chilled white wine?
The way to begin is simple, sane, Hello,

and then it’s Sunday, coffee, the Times, a slow
day by the fire, dinner at eight or nine
and Good-bye. In the end, this is a story we know

so well we don’t turn the page, or look below
the picture, or follow the words to the next line:
The way to begin is always the same Hello.

But one night, through the latticed window, snow
begins to whiten the air, and the tall white pine.
Good-bye is the end of every story we know

that night, and when we close the curtains, oh,
we hold each other against that cold white sign
of the way we all begin and end. Hello,
Good-bye is the only story. We know, we know.

—By Martha Collins

Via the Writer’s Almanac, whose daily emails come with two links: “Listen” (a Real Audio file) and, more promisingly, “How to Listen”.

A Place Apart

Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
It seems strange to be keeping a diary about travels in Ireland. A vague little sadness follows like a cloud-shadow after the realisation that I have grown remote enough from my own country to look at it with something of the detachment I might feel in Africa or Asia. Is this what it is fashionable to call ‘loss of identity’? Can’t be helped, even if it is. And there are compensations. It’s a form of somewhat belated growing-up—being weaned from that Mother Ireland on whose not entirely infection-free milk so many of my generation were reared.
—Dervla Murphy, A Place Apart

Alice Stewart and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
“I have two of the ingredients for success in epidemiology—longevity and persistence. Sheer doggedness. I’ve hung on and here I am, still quietly going on.”
—Alice Stewart, quoted in The Woman Who Knew Too Much by Gayle Greene
Chase Cringely sounds like the name of a NASCAR driver. Chase Cringely was my son. He died this week after 74 days of life, a victim of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). He literally stopped breathing lying in my lap while I did e-mail. There was no sound, no struggle. I just looked down and he was no longer alive. I have no idea whether he had been dead for one minute or 10, but we were unable to revive him. He was never sick, he just died, and now there is a void in our lives that we can never fill.
—Robert X. Cringely, Finding Meaning in a Lost Life, April 2002

Alice Stewart was a doctor and a scientist who was one of the first practioners of a new post-war discipline, epidemiology. For what became the Oxford Study of Childhood Cancer, she drew up questionnaires, recruited volunteer interviewers, and assembled by hand enormous amounts of data about thousands of children. Her methods were unorthodox. She started the questions from conception, not birth. She tracked forward, from a healthy population, not backwards, from the sick. She did what none of the lofty, eminent men of her day had thought to do: “I asked the mums.”

She asked the mums. She gathered data, a beginner’s mind, and one brilliant statistician. With little funding, and sometimes active hostility in place of support, she and George Kneale coaxed stories from her facts and figures. Fifty years later, that data is still talking.

The most famous of her many discoveries was the link between x-rays and cancer, though it took decades for her findings to be accepted and for shoestores to stop x-raying for fit. Her later work on radiation and cancer was systematically squashed by the nuclear industry. Epidemiology, with its thirty-year studies, is a science for the long-lived. Alice was working right into her nineties, fighting suppression by powerful lobbies. As consolation for the Nobel Prize she may have deserved, she won the Right Livelihood Award, the “Alternative Nobel” awarded in Sweden. The British Embassy in Stockholm did not even take her out to lunch.

Her theories on leukemia epidemics were grounded in her background as a working doctor, not an academic. She realised, for example, that antibiotics had unmasked the true incidence of leukemia. It was the healthiest children who succumbed to leukemia, early doctors often noted. Leukemia dramatically compromises the immune system, so long before the disease visibly manifests, these children used to die of minor infections. When these infections were cured by antibiotics, they lived through long enough to develop cancers of the blood.

Her childhood cancer data also turned up a peculiar finding: twice as many children who died of leukemia under six months old were born between January and June than between July and December. Yet these periods are climatically the same in Britain—both half summer, half winter. The difference, she noted, was whether a month-old child was surviving into warmer or colder weather.

Alice, true to her name, looked the mirror image of this information and thought about SIDS deaths, which occur more often in winter.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) kills between 6,000 and 7,000 babies a year in the United States alone, or between 2 and 3 cases per 1,000 live births. Nobody knows what SIDS is, or why it’s on the rise. What is known is that it happens more often in winter than summer and that it occurs mainly between four and six months of age.

“My theory is this: the reason we aren’t finding myeloid leukemia in children is that the child with myeloid leukemia is dying of a sudden, unexplained death, if he hasn’t already died of anoxia during the second stage of labour. Most SIDS deaths occur within one and six months of age, which is just when the child is losing its mother’s immunity and achieving its own. While the normal child is gradually acquiring his own immunity, the child with leukemia is gradually losing immune competence. Since you get from your mother defenses against infection in the form of passive immunity for one month or more, the weakness in the system doesn’t get put to the test until you go off your mother’s immune system.”

Myeloid leukemia is more acute than lymphatic leukemia. It has a shorter latency, manifesting between one and three years of age rather than two to four, and it involves the red blood cells as well as the white. Children who are incubating myeloid leukemia are—like all pre-leukemics—more infection sensitive than normal children. But they are also born with a defect in their hemoglobin, they have something wrong with their red cells as well as their white.

“While in the womb,” Alice explains, “the fetus produces fetal hemoglobin, which is geared to receiving oxygen through the placenta; but soon after birth this is replaced by adult hemoglobin, geared to receiving oxygen through breathing. At birth you have both kinds of hemoglobin present, enabling you to breathe through both the placenta and the new apparatus of the lungs; then you gradually get rid of the fetal hemoglobin. But children who are incubating this kind of leukemia don’t make the changeover from fetal to adult hemoglobin and are left with too much fetal hemoglobin. This hemoglobin fails to take up oxygen from the lungs, so that when they go into a deep sleep, or have the first effects of respiratory infection, the oxygen level falls to a fatal level and they’re liable to go into anoxia—shortage of oxygen.

“There have been studies showing that children who die of SIDS have an exceptionally high ratio of fetal to adult hemoglobin—though this is difficult to measure after death, and it’s not something all hematologists accept.”

Alice’s theory is that SIDS children have difficulty replacing passive immunity with active, and fetal hemoglobin with adult, and the two effects combined might be sufficient to cause a sudden death. SIDS children die when they’re sleeping, and the mechanism of death seems to be respiratory obstruction—purple bruises are sometimes present, tiny bleeding points called “petechiae”, perhpas resulting from the infants attempts to take deep breaths against some obstruction in the airways. [...]

SIDS deaths are more common in winter than summer, which is when the immune-compromised child is more likely to succumb to infection. They often occur in a family situation where an older child brings an infection home, or where everyone in the family has a cold and the child goes to bed with sniffles and doesn’t wake up. You have no defense of your own, so you meet with an infection and go out like a light. [...]

“It’s also known that SIDS children have an easy delivery with a short second stage of labor. The second stage of labor is when the baby becomes dependent on its own hemoglobin for breathing and when any defect in its system could be fatal. These babies would have to have got into the world fairly easily because if they’d had a difficult labor, they’d have died.”

Alice’s theory of SIDS has been there in the literature since 1975 but no one has picked it up. This is the more remarkable, since it could so easily be tested. “There’s a blood test done on all children shortly after birth—the same test should be used to look at fetal hemoglobin. Then when the mother gets the follow-up exam at four weeks, do a second test for proportion of fetal to adult hemoglobin—then monitor the population for all causes of death in the next eleven months.

“According to me, you’d expect children who died of SIDS to have shown a high proportion of fetal hemoglobin at one month of age. You can’t test for this after death, since the blood count can only be diagnosed by flowing blood, but you could monitor children while alive—and you could easily establish whether SIDS children have a disproportionate amount of fetal hemoglobin.

“I tried to launch a study of SIDS in America through the Childhood Cancer Research Institute, but there wasn’t enough funding, and nobody in England has shown the slightest interest. I simply can’t understand why. No one knows anything about this mysterious syndrome—they’re stuck—so why not test my theory. As long as SIDS remains a mystery, my theory is as good as any other.”

Bob Cringely’s account of his son Chase’s death from SIDS two years ago is hard to forget. As a parent he desperately wants answers:

I can’t do it by myself. I need your help. I need hardware engineers, software engineers, I need people experienced with biomedical sensors and sifting mountains of data. I need folks who make tiny processors and RAM chips. I need people who know more about this stuff than I do. Yet they must also be people who are willing to believe that there is an answer, since the medical establishment seems to have given up.

Well, here is the theory of an extraordinary scientist who doggedly proved herself right so many times while she was alive. It seems to me, as laywoman as they come, to show all Alice Stewart’s practicality, intuition, and good science. Why is nobody testing this? For her memory, and for Chase’s, I’d like to think that someday someone will dig out those journals and try.

Reference: All Alice Stewart excerpts are taken from Chapter 15 of The Woman Who Knew Too Much: Alice Stewart and the Secrets of Radiation by Gayle Greene. (Many thanks to Alice’s granddaughter, Elly, for lending me her copy. )
See also “Our Brilliant Careers”, a 1996 documentary on Alice Stewart produced by Channel 4.

A Continuum of Knowledge

Friday, January 30th, 2004

When I tell people what I have been reading, the word ‘genocide’ certainly stimulates a glazed, almost pained look, “Oh.” It seems to be a conversation stopper.
—Robert Birnbaum, interviewing Samantha Power

Well, sorry, but bear with me. From Andie in Capetown comes a link to great interview with Samantha Power. Her book, A Problem From Hell, deserves readers, but according to this isn’t getting them in spite of all its awards. Her description of her own political awakening goes towards explaining why:
“The easy thing—which I have done for most of my life—is to block the facts out. Once you are in a position where you have to process the facts, you are stuck.”

From Birnbaum’s introduction:

A Problem From Hell (the title is taken from Warren Christopher’s characterization of the Bosnian crisis in the mid 1990’s) is a scholarly analysis of America’s policy towards genocide in the 20th century. In a compelling and engaging narrative, Samantha Power traces the United States’ policy toward genocide: the Turk’s slaughter of the Armenians in 1915, the Holocaust, Cambodia, Saddam’s gassing of the Kurds, the ethnic cleansings of Yugoslavia and the Hutus genocide of the Tutsi in Rwanda…Suffice it to say, this is a very important book. That fact, however, shouldn’t discourage anyone from reading it.

“A Problem From Hell”

Thursday, January 29th, 2004

The United States has never in its history intervened to stop genocide and has in fact rarely even made a point of condemning it as it occurred.”
—Samantha Power, “A Problem From Hell”
Caitriona at Lough Derg
At college, my best friend Caitríona studied History and Politics. I got Hob-Nob crumbs on the western canon, and wondered how she crawled through those dull books. She went to Bosnia after we graduated, and wore white Levi’s as her UN observer uniform. Afterwards, in Boston, she won a Fulbright scholarship to study Balkan conflict resolution, which I rarely asked her about for fear she would tell me. She went back to Bosnia. This time she lived in Tuzla, near where General Mladic had executed more than 7,000 men in a UN “safe area”. She worked for a group called Physicians for Human Rights. They gathered forensic evidence from the Srebrenica massacre so that each case could be prosecuted as a murder. She spoke daily with the widows and families, trying to reunite them with the bodies of their missing, murdered men. She drew media attention to the work they were doing, and needed to do. Later, she was called as an expert witness at the first war crimes tribunal held at the International Court in The Hague.

I spent those years caught up in the New York internet culture. I read The Economist, but often as not I skipped the depressing International news section. Why bother? I worked long hours, made more money than I needed, and puffed up on the importance of the startup company that grew out of my living room. The word “revolution” appeared in the business plan and nobody laughed. We used to call late-night code “hero check-ins”. CEOs studied The Art of War. When bad things happened to go projects, I would say “Babies won’t die, kids.”

Twice I went to visit Caitríona in The Hague, after she broke her back when knocked off her bike on the way to her first week at the tribunal. I met her friends: human rights lawyers, activists, and war reporters. Their intensity reminded me of the geeky evangelists in my world, only more so. They were animated as they tried to explain what had happened, who had stood aside, who was evil, why this mattered. All night I couldn’t get the Bowie song out of my head: “This ain’t rock and roll. This is…GENOCIDE.” I concentrated on getting the names of the generals right, and failed. These old Yugoslavia hands struck me as institutionalised, addicted to the intensity of a war zone, unable to let go. They drank too much. They acted like this was life and death.

I had never visited Cait in Bosnia, though she was there for three years. I was afraid. I wanted to spend my few holidays in comfort. I didn’t want to know about this unpleasant world, and I didn’t want to feel guilty for doing nothing to improve it. She came to me instead, in busy, glitzy, boomtown New York. I showed her my new toys and lectured her on the wireless revolution. I worried that she didn’t earn enough, that she lived in horrible conditions, that she dealt with decomposing bodies and desperate widows every day. She has always had an uncanny ability to interest influential people, and I thought she should use that to her own advantage, for once.

I was booted out of that New York life just as I turned thirty. I could only afford to travel in cheap countries, so I started to go to the kinds of places that Caitríona had studied and lived in. I wept in the War Crimes Museum in Saigon. Why, I wondered, had Cambodia turned out like this? What was wrong with Bolivia? With Burma? Politics, which I had seen as a dull, corrupt abstraction, began to seem real at last. In Laos, a sixteen-year-old monk said, “Why did America bomb my village?” I didn’t know how to explain the Domino Theory to a kid from the Plain of Jars.

I gave up most novels and scrounged books to puzzle it out. I read The Quiet American. William Shawcross’s Sideshow: Kissinger, Nixon, and the Destruction of Cambodia. Robert McNamara’s confession. Air America. The Girl in the Picture: The Story of Kim Phuc, the Photograph, and the Vietnam War. Norman Lewis’s Indochina books. Aung San Suu Kyi’s Letters from Burma. War Is a Force that Gives Us Meaning, by Chris Hedges.

They told me, over and over, that bloodbaths and famines are rarely unexpected or inevitable; that wars are usually caused by a very tiny number of influential people; that genocide can often be prevented by a very tiny number of influential people, but rarely is; that the law of unintended consequences leads to catastrophe in geopolitics. It was fresh news.

Duh.

As a Christmas present this year, Caitríona gave me “A Problem from Hell” : America and the Age of Genocide, by Samantha Power. Power is a friend of hers from their Bosnia days, and she is Irish too, though she moved to the US when she was nine. She is 33; fabulously young to win both the Pulitzer and the National Book award, but this book deserves all its praise. I couldn’t wish for a more patient teacher to sew together the scraps of an education I picked up in the last few years. In one chapter, for example, she sets out how the United States directly created the conditions for the Khmer Rouge to come to power, and then looked away as Pol Pot killed almost a third of his own countrymen in under three years. It was left to Vietnam, still reeling itself, to invade and overthrow Pol Pot—but since they were on the “wrong” side in the Cold War, the US and the UN continued to recognise the Khmer Rouge for many years after the Killing Fields had been dug up for the west. Her charges are clear and devastating.

She believes that much of the misery of the last century was predicted in advance and could have been averted. Failure to stop it was due not to ignorance but to considered decisions not to intervene. Referring to the many instances of genocide in the last hundred years, she says that “No US president has ever suffered politically for his indifference to its occurrence.”

Several heroic figures did work to oppose and expose ethnic cleansing as it took place, but the quiet majority of American politicians chose always to do nothing, as did the American public.

I am ashamed to be a silent voice in that majority.

Caitríona lives in Iran now, with her American husband Dan, who writes for the Guardian and The Economist. She and I just spent a few days together here in Limerick, catching up after too long apart, as usual. She had come back from a Christmas trip to the US and Dublin, and felt down. People couldn’t understand why she and Dan were still caught up in their little human rights kick. In New York, friends who “made a window” barely asked about Iran; they were busy telling her about the ups and downs of their own careers. In California, their family wanted to know when they were going to come back to America and start living like proper, middle-class adults.

Iran is not easy. She tells me about the men who scream obscenities and sexual come-ons in the street, no matter how modest her hejab, and about the rich Tehran women who talk of little but cosmetic surgery and clothes. Her phone is bugged. She caught typhoid. Still, she presses on, and will continue to, like Mary Robinson before her. As well as reporting for the Irish media, she volunteers helping victims of Saddam Hussein’s chemical weapons attacks; the Iranian women and children who were unlucky enough to be on the side not supported by the Americans. Sixteen years later, they have been long forgotten by all but the few like Caitríona.

Edward Abbey

Thursday, January 29th, 2004

From The Writer’s Almanac, a daily newsletter from Minnesota Public Radio:

Literary and Historical Notes:

It’s the birthday of novelist and essayist Edward Abbey, born in Indiana, Pennsylvania (1927). He’s best known for his novel The Monkey Wrench Gang (1975), about a gang of four “environmental warriors” who liberate sections of the Utah and New Mexico wilderness through sabotage. When he was seventeen years old, he saw the desert for the first time as he hitchhiked and rode the rails across the country. He returned to the East to work for a short time as a caseworker in a welfare office, but then he went back to the Southwest to work as a fire lookout and ranger in Arches National Park. He worked there for three years, and turned the experience into the book Desert Solitaire (1968).

Desert Solitaire begins: “This is the most beautiful place on earth. There are many such places. Every man, every woman, carries in heart and mind the image of the ideal place, the right place, the one true home, known or unknown, actual or visionary. A houseboat in Kashmir, a view down Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, a gray gothic farmhouse two stories high at the end of a red dog road in the Allegheny Mountains, a cabin on the shore of a blue lake in spruce and fir country, a greasy alley near the Hoboken waterfront, or even, possibly, for those of a less demanding sensibility, the world to be seen from a comfortable apartment high in the tender, velvety smog of Manhattan, Chicago, Paris, Tokyo, Rio or Rome—there’s no limit to the human capacity for the homing sentiment.”

The 100 Greatest Novels of All Time

Sunday, November 9th, 2003

“The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything.”
—Walter Bagehot

The Observer has brought out a list of the 100 Greatest Novels of all time. Oh, how the Brits love their lists: the queue in written form.

Canadians, too, love lists and literary awards. They stage literary awards every week, like school plays. It’s what people who don’t care for hockey do for fun here. They also fret recreationally about their place in world literature, at least on the CBC, which was rocked by the discovery that not a single Canadian made the Observer list. (“But they did say that Robertson Davies was almost included…”) Michael Enright—a wonderful interviewer—devoted an hour-long panel discussion to the book that topped the charts, Don Quijote.

   “But would you say it’s the best novel of all time?” he asked a guest anxiously. Since she has just finished a newly-published translation, naturally she said yes.

The CBC, still tugging the forelock to the British Lit’ry establishment, apparently didn’t notice that the list was chronological. Even the Observer at its most Nick Hornbyish doesn’t presume to rank a hundred books by quality.

I’m dorky enough to count the number of books on the list that I’d read. 49 out a hundred. This is because it’s exactly the kind of list that English departments in Britain and Ireland taught as the canon in the last twenty years, topped up by the middlebrow Picador paperbacks we stack on our bedside tables when we escape with our BAs. The kind of books that the kind of people who read and write for the Observer would like to have read, and occasionally may actually have ploughed through. It doesn’t claim to be much more, and there’s no harm in that.

I wouldn’t stick to novels if I edited a list like this. I’m not a genre racist; I’d throw architecture in there, and memoir, and essays, and travel writing, and ecology and what have you. I’d use Christopher Alexander’s criterion for artistic beauty: does it make you feel more alive? It would be idiosyncratic and joyously unscientific. I’d proclaim solemn Dervala Awards, and vain idiots like me would vy for them.

My own novel-reading has fallen off a lot in the last two years. I used to be a publisher’s dream, regularly harvesting armfuls of paperbacks from the “What’s New” tables inside the bookshop doors. (Hardbacks always strike me as being for people who like the idea of reading.) I was almost entirely driven by cover design, an underrated art form. These days I’m too skint for new books, and I rely on borrowed or second-hand—which I still pick up by the armful, though I feel guilty about the poor unpaid authors. I’ve been trying new things this past while—travelling, digging wells—and I prepare the only way I know how, gobbling books whole. Novels now seem to me as frivolous a past-time as they did to Mr. Casubon in Middlemarch, though I lack his discipline in resisting the odd fictional treat. But I mostly stick to what time has edited. Life is too short to waste on the v. hot, darling.

Men’s Magazines

Sunday, November 2nd, 2003

When I was ten, I read Tiger, the boy’s adventure comic, after I’d outgrown Bunty’s serials on evil Victorian girls who pretended to be sugar-sweet and wheelchair-bound in order to torture the plain sister. In Tiger’s black-and-white panels, “Death Wish Man” rode a bike through a burning bush. Johnny Cougar, the “Indian” wrestler, half-nelsoned his opponents every week. Mighty Mouse, the Glaswegian footballer, kicked ass and headed butt whenever he needed to. It was a kinder, gentler world than the endless headfuckery of the girls’ comics, where every drawn-out plot depended on deception and mental cruelty.

I kept the taste for men’s magazines. I grew out of Cosmopolitan at fourteen, but Kathryn Flett’s sharply-edited Arena made me want to be a magazine writer when I was in college. Arena put Bowie and Johnny Depp on the cover, not some perky nobody in a pink sweater (or a pink bikini). Arena hired good writers and great photographers. So did GQ and Esquire, though I was less taken by their Master-of-the-Universe tone. I hoovered up the scant how-to stuff they printed. I already knew how to be a female, more or less, and it was much more interesting to learn how to be a male, from french cuffs to mixology to wrangling women.

I couldn’t understand why the women’s magazines were so dumb compared to say, Playboy. Real bimbos witter on about nothing other than Botox and Bridezillas, surely. I read Marie-Claire for a few years after it launched in the late 1980s, but the formula of sex tips, mid-range fashion, a health scare, and the single article on the plight of women in some third-world country grew thin. Women’s magazines limited themselves to women’s issues. Men’s ranged freely, and I wanted to, too.

But somewhere along the line men’s magazines lost me. That’s fine by them; I’m not their stuff-buying demographic anyway. Maxim and Loaded changed the game with unabashed babe spreads and birds-booze-and-toys editorial. A friend of a friend is a touch-up artist at American Maxim; we laughed at her two-day project of airbrushing flesh onto Lara Flynn Boyle’s bones. Her job is much more important than the writers’.

The lad rags are still funny, and I’ll always read them before a Vogue or Cosmo in a waiting room. What I do find creepy are the insecurity industry magazines—the ones with straplines about abs and trans-fatty acids and 25 ways to please a woman in bed. There’s something so…unmanly about fretting about your pecs and worrying about how to beat chocolate cravings. “Train your dog to guard the fridge”, says the latest Mens’ Health, and they appear to be serious. 176 glossy, ad-filled pages on aging, crunching, balding, pumping, dieting, impotence, Botox-shopping, and how to make women call you. Ugh. Who wants a bubble-armed narcissist?

I liked men better before they got neurotic about this stuff. Here’s my prescription to add to those 176 pages: Read books. Chop wood. Run. Self-deprecate. Spell well. Tip well. Cook like you mean it. Adore us. Forget the rest, and never, EVER mention fat grams or protein diets.

The Cu Chi Tunnels

Tuesday, October 28th, 2003

During the American War, the Viet Cong spent years in warrens like the Cu Chi caves. These tunnel networks were dug in the rich soil of the Mekong Delta when Agent Orange and other defoliants dropped by the Americans made jungle cover impossible.

Last year I crawled through these tunnels, cradling a broken hand for authenticity. The mud walls pressed tight, and the smell of the stale air and damp, packed earth was heavy. We had the luxury of occasional lightbulbs; the original tenants crawled in blackness.

Long bamboo pipes funnelled smoke from the underground kitchens away to outlets under distant bushes. The underground hospital was stocked with sticks to bite away screams. There was a small factory for turning out hideous booby-traps. Silent villagers sharpened stakes, brushed on poison, made pipe bombs. Their designs were modelled now by large Caucasian dummies, and our stomachs flipped at the sight. There were bouncing betties; forget-me-nots—foot traps you could take home with you; concealed drums that spun above a stake-lined pit; staked boards that would swing down from the trees and impale a soldier at chest level.

Americans threw grenades down the tunnels when they found them, so the Viet Cong developed a system of blind alleys and sharp turns where explosives were marooned. Cave-ins were a constant danger. Sometimes Americans invaded the tunnels, but so many were killed on these missions that they began to refuse to go down. They sent dogs instead. The Vietnamese began to wash with American soap and eat C-rations to confuse the dogs’ senses. Sometimes the tunnels were so extraordinarily well-concealed that they were simply never found. The day I visited, the bigger westerners had trouble wedging their protein-fed bodies through the hidden trapdoors, but the Viet Cong had managed to stay so inconspicuous here that the Americans had once built a camp right on top of a network of caves. They couldn’t figure out why they kept getting shelled.

Mr. Hai, my tunnel guide, was a handsome, charismatic man in his mid-fifties.
   “The question I want you to answer me when we leave,” he announced just before we crawled into the tunnels, “is where did they shit? Think carefully! Where did the people who lived in these tunnels take the shit?”

Mr. Hai had been an officer in the South Vietnamese Army. He worked as a translator for the Americans. Tank Division. Years later he still got a kick out of the memory of those American boys. “Hai,” they would say, “Is hot. Is damn hot!” He laughed, delighted at his command of idiom. The short words sounded good from Mr. Hai.

The boys Mr. Hai fought with went home suddenly in 1975. Mr. Hai was sent to a reeducation camp for three years. His uncle, who was far more senior, was cruelly “reeducated” outside Hanoi for seven years. When he got out, he refused to go back to his job as a surgeon. He would not work for the communists; he would sweep the streets instead. Eventually he got out on a boat and became a heart specialist in Ohio.

Mr. Hai did not hide his own dislike of the communists. “We give them name Viet Cong. They never call themselves Viet Cong. You know why? Because it mean “Dumb Vietnamese”, or “Stupid”. They do not like this. And when they won they took revenge on the South Vietnamese. Especially anyone who had helped the Americans. I did not speak English for twenty-five years. Pretend I never learn English. Only in last five years I can speak English again and work with tourists.”

He had never heard from any of the Americans he served with, though in the last few years he has met a few other servicemen. He could find them on the Internet, I told him. He smiled vaguely.

Tim O’Brien wrote an extraordinary short story about serving in Vietnam. It’s called “The Things They Carried“, the title story in his first collection. In it he lists with great care every item he and his fellow U.S. soldiers carried as they slogged through the jungles outside Saigon.

They carried USO stationery and pencils and pens. They carried Sterno, safety pins, trip flares, signal flares, spools of wire, razor blades, chewing tobacco, liberated joss sticks and statuettes of the smiling Buddha, candles, grease pencils, The Stars and Stripes, fingernail clippers, Psy Ops leaflets, bush hats, bolos, and much more. Twice a week, when the resupply choppers came in, they carried hot chow in green mermite cans and large canvas bags filled with iced beer and soda pop. They carried plastic water containers, each with a two-gallon capacity. Mitchell Saunders carried a set of starched tiger fatigues for special occasions. Henry Dobbins carried Black Flag insecticide. Dave Jensen carried empty sandbags that could be filled at night for added protection. Lee Strunk carried tanning lotions. Some things they carried in common. Taking turns, they carried the big PRC-77 scrambler radio, which weighed 30 pounds with its battery. They shared the weight of memory. They took up what others could no longer bear. Often, they carried each other, the wounded or weak. They carried infections. They carried chess sets, basketballs, Vietnamese-English dictionaries, insignia of rank, Bronze Stars and Purple Hearts, plastic cards imprinted with the Code of Conduct.

Pages and pages of stuff, he lists. The personal choices reveal the human beings in O’Brien’s soldiers, and the pounds of standard issue show them as grunts. The people they fought wore black pyjamas and carried a pouch of rice, perhaps a rifle and a few magazines.

We sat in the tiny kitchen, deep underground, and ate boiled taro root dipped in salt.
   “And now,” said Mr. Hai, “you will tell me, where did the Viet Cong living in these tunnels take the shit? Because remember, if the dogs smell, they are dead.”

They buried it in dead-end chambers, we guess. The women who sneaked in rice smuggled it out again in bags. They…burned it in the kitchen fires. They piped it out, like the smoke. Mr. Hai kept shaking his head.

Tim O’Brien had the answer.

They would often discard things along the route of the march. Purely for comfort, they would throw away rations, blow their Claymores and grenades, no matter, because by nightfall the resupply choppers would arrive with more of the same, then a day or two later still more, fresh watermelons and crates of ammunition and sunglasses and woolen sweaters—the resources were stunning—sparklers for the Fourth of July, colored eggs for Easter—it was the great American war chest—the fruits of science, the smokestacks, the canneries, the arsenals of Hartford, the Minnesota forests, the machine shops, the vast fields of corn and wheat—they carried like freight trains; they carried it on their backs and their shoulders—and for all the ambiguities of Vietnam, all the mysteries and the unknowns, there was at least the single abiding certainty that they would never be at a loss for things to carry.

They were defeated, these American boys, by the things they carried and by the things they dropped. They were bogged down in the swamps and the jungle on size twelve boots. They dropped C-rations and soap, and all kinds of materials that shored up tunnels. They dropped ammunition and knives that were turned into booby traps against them.

Meanwhile, under night cover, boys in black pyjamas combed the rice fields for metal ammo containers dropped from the choppers. Shockproof. Waterproof. Stinkproof.
   “You don’t know,” says Mr. Hai, laughing again. He waves an ammo case at us. “They take the shit in the ammo box, and carry it out at night. That is how they stay down here for all the years.”

California and the Car

Monday, October 27th, 2003

I feel great anxiety for these people, because I do not think they know what they are in for. In its mortal dependence on two liquids—oil and water—that no individual can easily produce by his own energy (even together with family and friends), the life of this area only shares the fragile quality of all life in the great urban concentrations of the motor age. But here the lifelines of supply seem to me particularly tenuous and vital. That is especially true of water, which they now have to bring from hundreds of miles—and will soon have to bring from much farther away. But equally disturbing to me is the utter dependence on the costly, uneconomical gadget called the automobile for practically every process of life from birth through shopping, education, wokr, and recreation, even courtship, to the final function of burial. In this community, where the revolutionary force of motorization has made a clean sweep of all other patterns of living and has overcome all competition, man has acquired a new form of legs. And what disturbs me is not only that these mechanical legs have a deleterious effect on man himself, drugging him into a sort of paralysis of the faculty of reflection and distorting his emotional makeup while they are in use—these things are not too serious, and perhaps there are even ways of combating them. What disturbs me most is man’s abject dependence on this means of transportation and on the complicated processes that make it possible. It is as though his natural legs had really become shriveled by disuse. One has the feeling that if his artificial ones were taken away from him, he would go crawling miserably and helplessly around like a crippled insect, no longer capable of conducting the battle for existence, doomed to early starvation, thirst, and extinction.

One must not exaggerate this sort of thing. All modern urban society is artificial in the physical sense: dependent on gadgets, fragile and vulnerable. This is simply the apotheosis. Here the helplessness is greatest, but also the thoughtlessness. And the thoughtlessness is part of the helplessness.

But alongside the feeling of anxiety I have at the sight of these people, there is a questioning as to the effect they are going to have on, and the contribution they are going to make to, American society as a whole. Again, this is not conceived in terms of reproach or criticism. There is really a subtle but profound difference between people here and what Americans used to be, and still partly are, in other parts of the country. I am at a loss to define this difference, and am sure that I understand it very imperfectly.

Let me try to get at it by overstating it. Here it is easy to see that when man is given (as he can be given only for relatively brief periods in exceptional circumstances) freedom both from political restraint and from want, the effect is to reder him childlike in many respects: fun-loving, quick to laughter and enthusiasm, unanalytical, unintellectual, outwardly expansive, preoccupied with physical beauty and prowess, given to sudden and unthinking seizures of aggressiveness, driven contstantly to protect his status in the group by an eager conformism—yet not unhappy. In this sense southern California, together with all that tendency of American life which it typifies, is childhood without the promise of maturity—with the promise only of a continual widening and growing impressiveness of the childhood world. And when the day of reckoning and hardship comes, and I think it must, it will be—as everywhere among children—the cruelest and most ruthless natures who will seek to protect their interests by enslaving the others; and the others, being only children, will be easily enslaved. In this way, values will suddenly prove to have been lost that were forged slowly and laboriously in the more rugged experience of Western political development elsewhere.

—George Kennan, diary entry for November 4, 1951, Pasadena, California. From George F. Kennan: Memoirs 1950-1963.

Here at Kedey Island I am temporarily dependent on a car for the first time since I was seventeen. I don’t like to need, and dependendence on a dirty great hunk of metal that I can’t drive makes me particularly uneasy. The car is identified with freedom, but to me it is convenient bondage. The canoe that I use to get to the car, on the other hand, is just fine. Self-propulsion, that’s the key.